


I Want to Stay Like This Forever

by kindadun



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort ?, Lots of Cuddling, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Jester Fjord and Caduceus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24353152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kindadun/pseuds/kindadun
Summary: A quiet morning with Beau and Yasha
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 10
Kudos: 92





	I Want to Stay Like This Forever

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there, hope you'll enjoy this little oneshot  
> I'm not a super experienced writer, but I couldn't stop thinking about those two after binge watching Campaign 2  
> So, have fun!

Beau never once in her life imagined that one day the first thing she would see after waking up would be Yasha curled up into her chest. And yet here she was.

One of her arms was lightly resting on Yasha’s waist, the other trapped under her head, the hand snaking around it so that Beau was able to bury it in the soft but unkempt locks. At least she imagined her hair to be soft since Beau was pretty sure that her left arm has died off, the pressure of Yasha’s head being there for seemingly most of the night cutting off all circulation. Still, Beau didn’t even think about removing it.

The sight of it all had to be ridiculous.

Even while laying down, Yasha was still towering over Beau and to see her clutching onto the monk had to be unusual. Her tall, muscular body was pressed against Beau as close as possible, both arms encircling her comparatively smaller frame with a strong grip. Their legs were intertwined under the blanket that had removed itself from their upper bodies during the night, but Beau didn’t feel the cold morning air that had filled the room of the inn.

The only thing bothering her was that she couldn’t see Yasha’s face as Beau’s chin was resting on top of her head and her mouth was so close to her chest that she could feel the hot, even breaths through the thin shirt she was wearing.

She had picked it up from the floor after Yasha had already fallen asleep, deliberately leaving her own in a corner somewhere. It had become a habit to Beau to put on her girlfriend’s undershirt, just so that Yasha had one more reason to wake her in case she had to leave in the middle of the night again. That had left Yasha shirtless and Beau was glad that she could at least admire her back where her muscles seemed to dance and ripple with every slow breath she took.

If it wasn’t for the heat emitting from the pale barbarian, she might have worried about her freezing.

A small chuckle escaped Beau’s lips as she pressed a light kiss on Yasha’s head, nuzzling her nose into her mane, and she took a deep breath, completely engulfed in Yasha’s earthy but still fresh smell. They had taken a long-needed bath the day before after all.

She slowly adjusted her left arm, untangled her hand from the dark locks and started flexing her fingers, hoping for some feeling to return. The tingling sensation lasted for about a minute, before she was able to feel the tips of her fingers again.

All this movement caused Yasha to groan, her head seemingly not resting as comfortably as before and Beau felt Yasha’s ear get squished against her biceps as her head rolled away from her body a bit.

Beau let out a quiet curse, put her hand back in its previous position - buried in her girlfriend’s hair - and pulled her closer so she could feel the still hot, but now uneven breaths on her chest again. By now she was able to tell the signs of Yasha waking up, even when it was only rare that Beau awoke before her, but the tells had been burned into her mind permanently, images of Yasha that she so sparingly got to see and thus fore had learned to appreciate.

The grip around her upper body tightened for a second before Yasha’s forehead nuzzled even further into her chest. Beau took this as a hint for her hand to start lightly threading through dark hair, probably tangling it even more than it already was.

“I want to stay like this forever”

Yasha’s voice was quiet and rough, muffled a bit due to their closeness, but it was still soft. She sounded tired, a grogginess present in her pitch.

The arm resting on Beau’s waist slowly moved up, lightly, as to not pull the shirt up with it, Yasha’s hand ghosting over her shoulder blades before coming to a stop at the back of Beau’s head. Her soft but calloused fingers started stroking over the tattoo and the shaved hairs at the nape of the monk’s neck.

“I mean, what’s stopping us?”, Beau chuckled.

“Jester, probably”

Beau’s fingers found the one braid in her girlfriend’s hair that they hadn’t undone before taking a bath, the blue ribbon weaved into it almost seeming to shine in the morning light.

Braiding and un-braiding Yasha’s hair was always a task that could seemingly go on forever, so she allowed Beau to help her out sometimes. She was mostly useless, always only getting a few undone, most of the times too distracted by either Yasha’s soft features or the silkiness of her locks that made her fingers almost automatically stroke through it instead of working out the braids.

Yesterday though, Yasha had been too weak to do anything except for barely managing to undress before entering the tub with Beau’s help, having taken quite the beating while fighting some bandits a few hours ago. So Beau had ended up convincing the barbarian to let her handle her hair completely just this once. Legs wrapped around Yasha’s waist, she had sat down behind her, nimble fingers carefully threading through the braids decorating her mane, but when she had reached the one with the blue ribbon weaved through it and tried to loosen it, Yasha had quickly grabbed her wrist to stop her.

‘Not that one’ she had whispered, and Beau had left a kiss on her shoulder in understanding. She hadn’t thought too much about the reasoning behind her request, quickly becoming more interested in pressing her lips to the already healing bruises on Yasha’s back, but remembering it now, her curious nature perked up again.

“Any reason you won’t let me undo that one braid?”, Beau mumbled, twisting said strand around her finger slowly and smiling when she felt a kiss being pressed on her collarbone trough her shirt.

“It’s your ribbon”

Blue eyes met the mismatched pair of purple and light blue as Yasha finally moved her head away from Beau’s chest, corners of her mouth slightly curled up and Beau took the chance to admire her girlfriend’s face in the soft morning glow for a few seconds. Even though she knew the exact position of every ever so tiny scar, has studied the tattoo that reached from her chin to her bottom lip more times that she could remember, has traced her fingers along the sharp jaw and protruding cheekbones almost every day and has connected the sparse amount of freckles that always appeared during the warmer months in her head often enough, Beau was sure that she could still never get enough of the sight.

Yasha must have noticed the awe in her eyes as her look switched to confusion while maintaining the softness that was always there. Forcing herself to snap out of it, Beau realised that the barbarian had already answered her question.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“It’s the ribbon you gave to me once. I had to go, and you would not let me leave without it. For good luck, or at least that’s what you told me. I braided it in so I would always be reminded of who I have to come back for”

Beau remembered that night. It had been storming, their clothes soaked after Beau had followed Yasha out of the inn that they had been staying at. They hadn’t been together at that point in time, but the monk has always been aware of her feelings for the fellow woman, mostly trying to hide them behind bad pick-up lines and over the top flirting. When she had pressed the ribbon that was holding her hair up into Yasha’s palm, she had looked confused but Beau had just closed the barbarian’s fingers and had shot her one last pleading look before disappearing back into the inn, leaving Yasha alone, thunder rumbling and rain still pouring. 

The memory made Beau’s face heat up and she let her eyes dart towards the shelf at the wall opposite of the bed, avoiding Yasha’s gaze.

“Now I feel stupid for not recognising it”

The hand that had been resting on the back of her head moved to her cheek, while the arm that Beau had been laying on was pulled out from underneath her so that Yasha’s hand could grab her other cheek, now gently cradling Beau’s face. Her eyes closed automatically when her girlfriend leaned in, lips only brushing before Yasha pulled her in properly.

Beau could almost feel the love pouring out of Yasha’s kiss, the gentle touch of her fingers making the monk feel safe.

After both reluctantly pulled away, their breathing now a bit heavier, Beau kept her eyes closed, still feeling the softness of Yasha’s lips on her own.

“I did not mean for you to feel upset, I’m sorry. It was just the moment where I realised that you were what I kept coming back for and who I want to come back to forever. I just like to be reminded of it at all times”

Beau felt the tears that had been welling up in her eyes for a few minutes now escape and slide down her nose and cheek, Yasha’s thumbs immediately catching them while pressing one last peck onto her mouth. Their gazes met again, the mismatched eyes of the barbarian almost seeming to take on the same colour through the sheen curtain of currently still unshed tears.

“Stop making me cry”, Beau forced out, lips pulling into a smile as she heard Yasha chuckle. Moments where Beau showed her vulnerability openly were rare, but they seemed to shine through more often when Yasha was at her side.

The hand in Yasha’s hair had begun to feel numb again, so the monk slowly wiggled her arm out from underneath her girlfriend’s head, receiving an offended huff in response. Yasha’s eyes followed her as Beau sat up. She tucked one hand that had previously been resting on the other woman’s face between her cheek and the pillow while her left one started drawing circles on Beau’s thigh, movement barely noticeable through the fabric of the pants she was still wearing.

Back leaning against the wall, legs crossed, Beau used the palm of her hands to rub at her eyes before focusing on Yasha’s face again, or, at least trying to, as her gaze kept darting down to the naked skin of her girlfriend’s upper body. She was only human after all.

“No offence, love, but this is kind of distracting”, Beau grinned, vaguely gesturing to the body part that she was now unashamedly staring at.

The eyeroll and smirk that Yasha gave her before eventually rolling over to lay on her stomach went completely unnoticed.

“Well, you’re wearing my shirt”

“I never said I’m complaining!”

Beau actually pouted before her lips curled up with that characteristic confidence, but her eyes remained full of admiration when she saw Yasha gazing up to her. Softly, she took Beau’s hand and held it up to her lips, kissing every knuckle with a softness that almost made Beau cry again before intertwining their fingers and resting their hands on Beau’s thigh.

She had always wished she was better with words, but after Beau met Yasha she cursed herself even more for her lack of proper social skills. Maybe she should have included herself more when her parents were throwing those stupid stereotypical rich people parties where she used to just hide away in her room, pretending to be sleeping or super busy. Because ever since she had gotten with Yasha, all she wanted to do was to tell her how beautiful she is, how much she appreciates her, wanted to make her blush without having to retort back to inappropriate flirting.

At least Yasha was equally bad with words, but Beau, being the useless lesbian that she is, still got flustered at everything the other woman said to her.

It had taken them a long time of awkwardly fumbling with words around each other, stolen glances when the other one wasn’t looking and many comments from Fjord and Jester before they finally managed to overcome the barrier that was keeping them apart.

Beau smiled at the memories of that talk, having gotten over cringing at herself for the way she handled the conversation and being vulnerable in front of Yasha, thumb absently stroking the back of Yasha’s hand.

She knew that the barbarian could read her facial expressions like a book. But the eyes watching her were never a bother, she knew that it was Yasha’s way of showing quiet affection.

Without thinking twice about it, Beau sprawled over Yasha’s back, cheek pressed between her shoulder blades and hands holding onto her biceps, an excuse for letting her fingers slowly drift over the defined muscle there. Yasha let out a quiet huff, not expecting her girlfriend to use her as a pillow, and tucked both of her hands under her face, elbows pointing to the walls.

Despite the fact that Yasha’s body was pretty much pure muscle, she was still soft and she let out a giggle, a sound made in heaven Beau was pretty sure, when the monk nuzzled her nose into her skin, a big giddy smile plastered on her face.

Quiet moments like this were rare and Beau wanted to relish every second of it.

She started pressing lazy kisses on every part of Yasha’s back that she could reach without having to move too much and silently enjoyed the rhythmic up and down of her breathing, too distracted to make out what Yasha mumbled into the pillow. Her lips dragged over smooth, pale skin that was sometimes interrupted by the roughness of one of many scars and she felt Yasha inhaling sharply when her mouth glided over fresh ones that were still tender. The hands that had been resting on the barbarian’s upper arms had moved, stroking a path over her shoulders and down to her ribcage when Beau noticed Yasha let out a pained sigh through gritted teeth.

She immediately stopped her hands and realised that her fingers were resting on a particularly rough spot on her left side.

Beau sat up, legs on either side of Yasha’s hips and took in her expression, closed eyes and teeth worrying her lower lip. A hand flew up to the side of her face, stroking back the black hair currently covering her cheek in apology. Yasha’s features relaxed again and Beau let her gaze wander, to her lips, following the line of her tattoo down to her throat, over her neck and to her back.

She knew of Yasha’s multitude of scars, had counted, touched and kissed them more than she could think of, but that didn’t change the way her throat choked up and how heavy her heart felt every time she looked at them.

Her eyes darted over to her left hand, nimble fingers barely touching the angrily red scar there, colour contrasting hard against her own dark skin. This was the first time she looked at it after she had treated the wound that had been gaping there.

Memories came flooding back, of Yasha lying in a pool of her own blood, her greatsword drenched in red and lodged into her side, eyes open but lifeless, and skin cold.

“I couldn’t save you”, Beau choked, removing her hands so she could sling them around her own body.

Yasha twisted underneath her and Beau lifted her leg automatically, ready to get off of her, but the big and calloused hands that landed on her thighs pressed her down again.

She found herself in Yasha’s lap, her arms trapped between their bodies when the other woman’s arms reached around to embrace Beau. Lips were being pressed to her neck, softer than the strong grip Yasha’s hands had on her back, even though she barely felt either of them. Images kept flashing in her head, and she let out a loud sob.

Yasha was whispering something against her throat and it cost all of her willpower to concentrate on the words instead of the memories of her girlfriend’s dead body.

“I’m here”, Beau heard, her head lowering into the crook of Yasha’s neck, “I’m here.”

This continued like a mantra, hushed words between kisses, until Beau managed to stop digging her fingernails into her own sides and her breathing slowed down. Yasha just held her, palms flatly against Beau’s back while her sobs turned into quiet tears, wetting the skin at Yasha’s collarbone and neck even more.

Slowly, Beau’s senses came back to her, the familiarity of her girlfriend’s warm body overshadowing the memories and she reminded herself that Yasha was here, with her, and not lying on the cold floor of some chamber, not responding to any of her touches or any of her words. Right now, she was responding to all of Beau’s touches. When she pressed her face further into her neck, one of Yasha’s hands flew up to her hair, removing the ribbon that Beau had forgotten to take out before bed, so that her hair could tumble free and Yasha could run her hands through it, occasionally stroking the shaved back of her head. After Beau had pulled her arms free from in-between them and linked them together behind her back to feel the warmth of Yasha’s body properly, she pressed their two fronts even closer together.

“I’m sorry”, Beau mumbled, her voice noticeably weaker, but she hoped Yasha could still hear her.

She took the hands cradling her face again and gently pulling her away from the barbarian’s neck as a sign that Yasha had understood what she said, and when their eyes met again, there was a layer of tears in them, threatening to spill, but Beau knew that she was trying to stay strong for her.

“What are you apologizing for?”

The softness in Yasha’s voice almost broke her. It was still a mystery how someone of her size and build was so soft-spoken, but it was one of Beau’s favourite things.

Beau sniffled unceremoniously before pulling Yasha’s forehead to her lips, both hands now buried deep in her locks, and pressing kisses to her face, not stopping before she was sure that her lips had touched every spot. When she reached Yasha’s cheeks, she felt wetness, but her lips were pulled into a smile as soon as Beau pressed hers on them.

It was only a short kiss, a desperate one, and when the monk pulled away, she managed to hold eye contact.

“I couldn’t reach you in time”

Yasha’s smile faltered a bit, only a slight twitch, but Beau imagined she was thinking about her last moments before blackness had taken over her, no one around to help. At least that’s what was occupying the back of Beau’s head.

“It wasn’t your fault”, Beau saw Yasha’s lips spell, her gaze having dropped again and ears now being filled with that earthshattering cry that the barbarian had let out when the sword had pierced her flesh, echoing through the chamber.

She let Yasha’s thumbs stroking along her cheekbones distract her, finally fully pulling out of her memories and trying to focus on the now.

“Look at me, please.”

Beau’s lips quivered when she looked back up, but Yasha softly brushed over them with her fingertips before pulling lightly on one of Beau’s arms until her grasp around the barbarian’s torso loosened. Reaching around for Beau’s forearm, Yasha tugged on it to move Beau’s hand to her neck, her own covering it protectively.

The monk had felt this particular scar imprinted on the other woman’s skin multiple times, but with Yasha actually pressing her hand there, it had a different feeling to it.

“You saved me from this one,” Yasha’s mismatched eyes had a stern look in them and her eyebrows were furrowed slightly, the expression filled with love remaining nevertheless.

The scar was long and thin, reaching from the back of her neck to her throat, jagged against Beau’s palm.

“I was on the ground bleeding out after one of those undead skeletons sliced my neck and Jester never would have gotten to me in time if you hadn’t just singlehandedly punched it back into the Abyss. Or this one”

Yasha’s hand dragged hers over her skin, down to her stomach where Beau would normally get distracted by her girlfriend’s abs immediately, but now she was fixated on Yasha’s words and the feeling of her rough hand clasping her own.

With the amount of scars littering the soft surface, it was hard for Beau to distinguish the one Yasha meant, though Yasha’s gaze never left her face, seemingly knowing the exact location of it. This one was bigger and rougher, Beau noticed as soon as she finally felt it.

“You dragged me out of that fight on your own even though you were bleeding heavily and limping. I would have been the focus of that assassin otherwise and neither Jester nor Caduceus had any spells left,” Yasha paused to brush away a tear that Beau didn’t even notice running down her own face, “And this one.”

Their intertwined fingers quickly grazed over a deep gash on the barbarian’s lower back that Beau remembered more vividly than the others.

“Without you pulling me out of the way, Trent’s fire spell would have hit me full force. You have saved me more times than I can count, Beau. And I did not even mention all those times you took an arrow for me or threw yourself in front of me.”

Her other hand left Beau’s face to clasp around Beau’s left hand and the monk automatically closed her eyes when Yasha pressed them against her chest.

“And most importantly you saved me from this.”

The heartbeat under her palm was faint but rhythmic, the familiarity of it a comfort to Beau. Now Yasha was the one to avert her eyes, her head slightly lowering, but a smile pulled at her lips.

“I thought I was not worthy of love after everything that had happened. But you proved me otherwise”

Seeing the tears that were now spilling from Yasha’s eyes caused Beau to quietly start sobbing again. She allowed herself to cry for a few seconds before pulling her hands out from underneath Yasha’s and grabbing her girlfriend’s face, their noses slightly nudging together, and kissed her.

Yasha pulled her closer, hands moving from her own chest to lightly claw at Beau’s back. Hasty, messy kisses turned into slower, more deliberate ones, both of their faces still wet, but occasionally one of them smiled against the other one’s lips.

“I told you to stop making me cry!”

Her girlfriend just chuckled and pulled away for a second, lips touching the tip of Beau’s nose and then moving to kiss away the remains of salty tears on the monk’s cheeks, Beau leaning into the touch automatically.

When Yasha stopped to look at her, eyes soft and full of admiration, Beau couldn’t help but grin, and she just hoped that at least this one looked as genuine as she meant it. Stroking along the barbarian’s jaw and then cheekbones, Beau bit her lip.

“You’re so fucking beautiful”

She barely managed to finish her sentence before Yasha crashed her lips against Beau’s, the hands on her back sneaking under the shirt, palms almost burning against the coolness of Beau’s skin. They got lost in their kisses for a while, each one filled with more feeling than the one before. Beau crossed her legs behind Yasha, causing their upper bodies to only be separated by the thin layer of fabric of the shirt she was still wearing.

Yasha realized this the same moment that Beau did, quickly parting their lips to pull it over Beau’s head, before latching her lips onto the monk’s neck. The groan that escaped her was quiet but long and while Yasha’s hands slowly moved up Beau’s back again, she let hers wander down from Yasha's face, first to her neck and sternum and coming to a rest at the top of Yasha’s chest. A low moan was breathed against her already sensitive skin at her neck as her hands moved a little bit lower, when a loud knock caused them both to flinch and break apart.

“We’re going downstairs for breakfast”, a slight pause as Jester knocked again, “Are you guys naked?”

“Yes!”, Beau shouted back, making no attempts at moving her hands away from Yasha’s chest even though both of them knew that the moment was now ruined.

“Sorry!”, came the reply, followed by a giggle and footsteps.

Yasha had hid her face in the crook of Beau’s neck but pulled away when Beau let out a frustrated sigh.

“Told you so”, she grinned, before gripping the underside of Beau’s thighs and standing up, effectively lifting Beau up with her. The monk pressed one last kiss on the barbarian’s cheek when they reached the corner of the room where the rest of their clothes were haphazardly thrown over a stool, and jumped out of Yasha’s arms, immediately missing the warmth.

“I’m gonna fucking kill her next time”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, feedback is appreciated!  
> I'm also available at Twitter (kindadun), Instagram (kindadun) and Tumblr (elinoexiste) if someone wants to talk Critical Role.


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